HUNGER

im just ranting

“No, I’m content with content because content makes you stagnant. No, I want changes.” When Jay-Z dropped that bar it sat with me for the longest time. I quite literally spiraled. Is this what they call derealisation? It pieced together all the thoughts I had been having about how we are conditioned to never feel satisfied quite literally. Satisfaction is weaponised and that line perfectly mirrored our reality.

Life is meant to be lived but we are forced into a cycle that makes us slave it all away. Are we really meant to keep chasing? Is this how I am supposed to sell away my one shot at life? Slaving it away then I die and I lose it all? (I am not a miserable person, not in the slightest. I am just thinking about the absolute absurdity of it)

During a Substack sato discussion a speaker noted that we live in a perpetual loop where we overcome one obstacle just to have another more demanding one take its place. Imagine having a 100k salary at twenty years old with zero responsibilities. It feels like a dream but as life moves on, bills pile up, the price of survival increases and the chase starts all over again. So when i was unpacking this later with Edwin and when he pointed out how basic sustenance is actually the world’s greatest crisis I spiraled again. Sijui nashtuka nini, I’ve been knowing this for the longest.

We are so embedded in this loop ya constant survival that we literally can’t fathom peace. Case in point, one night my friend Lien mentioned how she admired that her friend was content living life day by day in a simple way without this constant pressure we all carry. I immediately associated that with stagnation. Aren’t we supposed to be constantly progressing?

Wacheni ni rant aki.

Sustenance is a fundamental design flaw. We are built to chase things but we are not truly built to feel satisfaction or contentment? WHY? WHAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS?

This is where most human problems stem from. We are never going to feel truly satisfied. Just like the line in the song says, contentment is treated like stagnation and the system forces us to want change. This constant high we are chasing is what makes the world progress and that means you cannot afford as a individual to just sit down and be stagnant. You will always need more money, more knowledge and more power. It will never be enough, which is why we see people acting crazy trying to attain highs that will never truly satisfy them.

Its a creation flaw. Dopamine is triggered creating an anticipation that makes you chase a reward thinking it will bring satisfaction. But in reality you chase the high and once you get the reward, a sudden sense of emptiness swoops in. I have chased things so much and the moment I got them, I was left thinking, “This is it? Nothing more? What was the whole point of this?” This is exactly why I feel like I hate peace sometimes. “Peace feels boring”(read here)

Alafu mkae mseme he created all things good. Good where please. HE COULD HAVE DONE SO MANY THINGS BETTER! Look at how we are built bodily. So many things could have been done better, who the hell put the bladder right above the G-spot? When you are pressed, it literally falls down and lies right on you. Then we have the whole wisdom tooth thing. ANYWAYS.

The hedonic treadmill is a theory explains that human beings are built to adapt to changes because nothing in the world stays stagnant. It states that humans constantly return to a standard baseline of happiness no matter what. You will always go back to the baseline of emotions you are built to feel. Chase and attain a high, go back to your baseline and then feel like you need to do more. So you start running faster to get a higher level of satisfaction but you always end up back at the baseline. An endless loop of madness.

I think we should embrace the African concept of time more because chasing an uncertain future is exactly what contributes to our misery. We are not focusing on what we have right now because we are forced to secure a future we know nothing about.

Where will I get money for healthcare? Where will I get a job? How will I study to get good grades just to get a corporate job?

You are constantly chasing because under capitalism, without money, you are nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I am going to tie it to Albert Camus’s Absurdist theory. He used the story of Sisyphus to piece it together. Sisyphus was condemned by the gods to roll a massive boulder up a hill, only for it to roll right back down to the bottom every single time he reached the peak. That was his entire existence. We are all Sisyphus and our boulders are capitalism and sustenance.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to simply acknowledge it. and you choose to live life anyway. “ Fuck it. I am still going to be happy. I am still going to have fun and be excited.”

As much as I am ranting, I have to admit that a life without change would be extremely boring. That is the beauty of living in an absurd world. I actually love life even though it gets completely overwhelming sometimes but we cannot spend our entire lives sitting around, complaining and whining about a system we cannot instantly tear down.

Juu honestly, utadu? Push the boulder and enjoy the view from the top. Ikiroll down then you start climbing again? Enjoy the scenary hills zinakuanga na scenary beautiful. Ata hio ni cardio ya summer body.